


Babs the Evil Temptress

by PeaceHeather



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Action/Adventure, Bad Fic, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack, Established Relationship, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-25
Updated: 2006-03-25
Packaged: 2019-02-02 18:03:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12731562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeaceHeather/pseuds/PeaceHeather
Summary: Babs of Holland loves Daniel, loves Jack and will do anything to get both.





	Babs the Evil Temptress

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

  
Author's notes: if you take this story seriously, you need help.  


* * *

Daniel woke up naked, tied, on the floor, in a small dimly lit room. He was gagged, hands behind back, ankles crossed - conscious, no glasses. He breathed quickly, shivering hard, trying to figure out his predicament. 

Suddenly the light went on. He saw a figure Silhouetted in the doorway. Daniel squinted at the figure, trying to see who it was. A sudden shock of fear ran down his spine as he recognized the person holding him captive --

It's that evil fan-fic writer Babs of Holland.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" Daniel cried as the nature of his fate became clear to him

Daniel looked up in terror at the wonder in front of him. On one hand, he was captivated by her beauty. On the other, he knew that this could only mean one thing.

Whumping.

Daniel tried to sit up but only succeeded in writhing fetchingly. He made another attempt at sitting up, looked up pleadingly into Babs' big blue eyes, hoping that she would go easy on him this time.

Babs stood over Daniel, grinning gleefully, hiding something behind her back. Daniel twisted to try and see what it was.

Babs raised her eyebrow and smiled in a sultry way at her captive. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Up to you Dr Jackson."

Daniel whimpered through his gag as Babs raised her hand over her head in that hand was.... a really large trout!!!!

His captor was known to be dangerous, but a trout? He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but the gag interfered.

Babs crouched down, leaning in close as Daniel tried to pull away. She grinned evilly at his obvious apprehension. "You don't even know where you are, do you, Dr. Jackson?"

Her hand flashed out toward his face and he flinched...but instead of striking him, she only ripped the gag out of his mouth. "Now. Answer me. Easy way... or hard way?"

Daniel gulped. She was right, he didn't know where he was, and the fish... that was worrying. Of all the instruments of torture his mind had envisaged, that hadn't been one of them. What the hell was she going to do with it? Make him eat it raw? That was fine, it would be like sushi. Was she going to hit him with it? Well, surely a fish couldn't do that much damage? Unless it was frozen?

No, it looked fresh, so that was nothing to worry about

"I'm still waiting, Dr Jackson," Babs said, a booted foot tapping impatiently on the ground by his leg

Daniel coughed to clear his throat before replying, "The easy way." He added a little smile to the end of it, hoping it would stand him in good stead.

Babs smiled back at the naked archaeologist before crouching to his level. "The easy way," she purred, running the fish up and down his tanned arm. "Well, the easy way involves you persuading a certain Air Force Colonel to join you here, voluntarily, Dr Jackson," Babs said, standing again. "The hard way... well, that's a little more tricky." Babs smiled down at her captive archaeologist.

Daniel sighed, knowing he was beaten.

He'd heard of this Babs and knew the lengths she would go to for her snugglefic. "Fine," he said, staring at the ground in front of him. "Hand me the phone."

"Ah ah" she said, "I know you are clever, Daniel. I will dial the number, and make sure it *is* Jack before I let you talk to him."

Daniel reluctantly gave her Jack's cell number, making a mental note to change it once they were done. She paused, listening tot he rings at the other end, waiting for Jack to answer.

"O'Neill" came the voice at the end of the line.

"Hello Colonel," she said in a sultry voice. "How are you this evening?"

"Who the hell is this?" Jack demanded.

Babs smiled. "There's someone here who'd like to speak to you," she replied.

Daniel fought to keep his voice calm as the phone was pressed to his ear. "Jack?"

"Daniel!" came his lover's voice. "Where the hell are you?"

"Um... I don't know, actually. I could use a little hel--"

Babs snatched the phone away and stood, eying him smugly. Ignoring the shouts from the other end of the line, she purred, "remember -- he comes willingly. Otherwise it's the hard way." Looming over her captive, she held the phone to his ear once more.

"Jack. Jack! Calm down, they can hear you in the next county."

"Tell me what the hell is going on, Danny," O'Neill said, a note of warning in his voice.

"I need you to come here and find me, please," Danny said, looking at Babs nervously. "I, um, my car broke down, and..."

"Daniel," he said quietly, "Your car is in my driveway. I'm calling Hammond as soon as you hang up."

"No-no, no, that won't be necessary, really, I think it's just, um, I think I just ran out of gas."

Silently, Daniel prayed that Babs couldn't overhear Jack's end of the conversation. Daniel could hear Jack's mind click over.

"OK, Danny.... Let me know where you are then."

Daniel looked up at Babs. "Um, sure, yeah, the waitress is right here..." He gulped again, looking at Babs intently. "I'm sure she could give you better directions than I could," he said.

Babs smiled in triumph and lifted the phone away from him. She lifted a finger to her lips tauntingly. "Colonel? You may want to write this down..."

Daniel leaned forward, hoping to hear some clue to where he was, but the woman stepped away from him and out the door, switching off the light as she did so.

Closing his eyes in defeat, he tipped his head back against the wall, and prayed for release.

Jack scribbled down the directions he was given by the strange woman on the other end of the phone. "And colonel?" she said after directing him to what appeared to be a warehouse on the other side of Colorado Springs. "You come alone. Tell no one where you're going. Because I WILL know and if anyone else knows about this... it won't be good for the Doctor."

The phone line went dead and Jack stumbled back into the chair in his office. Daniel was in trouble, that much was obvious. He considered calling Carter, even Teal'c, but the woman's parting words stung his brain.

"Dammit, Daniel; the things you get into."

Babs meanwhile was peering through the security camera at her latest prize, grinning in a way that would have truly frightened anyone who saw it - if anyone else had been around.

"Daniel, Daniel, how can I whump thee? Let me count the ways."

In the dim light she could see her archaeologist (of course he was hers, don 't argue!) naked and shivering on the concrete floor, propped painfully against one wall with his arms and legs bound behind him. The gag still hung loosely around his neck, and she toyed with the idea of putting it back on him again, just to watch him suffer. Babs was like that, you know.

Still, as much as she wanted him in her clutches, the real challenge would be to see how long it would take to make Jack hers as well. How long she could keep him before he finally escaped her and they could begin the game again. How long she could toy with him.

Smiling, she leaned forward and hit "record" on the security camera's VCR. She had errands to run - she had a Jack to capture.

Jack stood outside the darkened warehouse next to his SUV. A chill breeze stole across the parking lot, ruffling his silver hair. He looked REALLY heroic - also really pissed. There was no one here.

Just as he turned to go, however, an elegant wine-red car pulled up behind him, switching its headlights on "high" as it came to a stop. Jack squinted, but could see nothing as he heard the car door open.

"I see you followed my instructions," came a sultry woman's voice. Jack didn't recognize it.

"Yeah, well, you know me, I always follow orders," he lied smoothly. He heard the woman laugh.

"Well, if you'll follow mine, then perhaps I can let Daniel go," she said. Then her voice turned harsh, demanding. "Get in the car, Colonel."

"Or what?" Jack demanded.

"Or nothing. Get in the car on your own, or I'll put you there myself. You have the choice of the back seat or the trunk!"

"Is that so?" Jack said, walking with a deadly grace (not bad for a guy with bad knees) toward the car, trying to get a fix on the woman's location.

The tranquilizer dart struck him high in the chest, knocking him back a step. As the creeping numbness took over, he felt a second dart hit his leg. Just before everything went blank, he heard the woman's voice again, distantly.

"Why do they always choose the hard way?"

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to leave extra kudos, you're welcome to stop by [my Tumblr blog](http://peaceheather.tumblr.com) and say hello.


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